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Monster Media 1996 #15
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Monster Media Number 15 (Monster Media)(July 1996).ISO
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WIT.WIT
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1996-05-30
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269 lines
W0101 Minds are like parachutes, they only work when open.
W0102 Every Titanic has its iceberg.
W0103 An honest politician: One who stays bought.
W0104 A closed mouth gathers no foot.
W0105 What`s the most popular form of birth control? The headache.
W0106 Clean mind, clean body: take your pick.
W0107 Whatever advice you give, be brief.
W0108 He who laughs last probably doesn`t understand the joke.
W0109 Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
W0110 If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.
W0111 When in doubt, make it sound convincing.
W0112 A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
W0113 When all else fails, read the directions.
W0114 If your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
W0115 If reality wants to get in touch with me, it knows where I am.
W0116 When forced to choose between two evils, try the new one.
W0201 Every human being comes equipped with a brain at no extra cost.
W0202 To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
W0203 To save one life is better than to build a seven story pagoda.
W0204 To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult,
W0204 to criticize the competent.
W0205 There`s so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
W0206 There`s at least one fool in every married couple.
W0207 There is always someone worse off than yourself.
W0208 The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
W0209 The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
W0210 Statistics are often used as a drunk uses a light pole:
W0210 For support rather than illumination.
W0301 The plural of spouse is spice.
W0302 The only rose without thorns is friendship.
W0303 The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn`t.
W0304 The light of a hundred stars doesn't equal the light of the moon.
W0305 He who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn`t been asleep.
W0306 The hardest thing to do is to disquise your feelings when sending
W0306 a large crowd of visiting relatives home.
W0307 The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth
W0307 and sharpen my tongue.
W0308 The best prophet of the future is the past.
W0309 The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
W0310 The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.
W0401 The average woman would rather be beautiful than smart
W0401 because the average man can see better than he can think.
W0402 That must be wonderful! I dont understand it at all.
W0403 Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
W0404 Someone is speaking well of you.
W0405 Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.
W0406 No great scoundrel is ever uninteresting.
W0426 Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
W0501 Some men are discovered; others are found out.
W0502 Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
W0503 When all is said and done, too many people
W0503 keep on saying and doing.
W0504 Fame is proof that people are gullible.
W0505 We have nothing to fear but fear itself.
W0506 No really great man every thought himself so.
W0507 There is as much greatness in acknowledging a good turn,
W0507 as there is in doing it.
W0508 Beware of hip and rum drivers.
W0509 Home to a young boy is merely a filling station.
W0510 Early to rise and ditto to bed, make a man healthy,
W0510 but socially dead.
W0511 Beware the man who can't be bothered with details.
W0512 Nothing beats reading a good book when there is work to do.
W0513 While forbidden fruit may be sweeter, it spoils faster.
W0514 You're smart when you only believe half of what you hear,
W0514 Wise is when you know which half to believe.
W0515 A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
W0527 While forbidden fruit may be sweeter, it spoils faster.
W0528 When seeking love give nothing, Having found love give all.
W0530 In gallant trim the gilded vessel goes,
W0530 Youth on the bow, Pleasure at the helm.
W0531 If she had lumbago she couldn't sing a note.
W0601 Show affection, it will probably meet with pleasant response.
W0602 Share your happiness with others today.
W0603 She`s learned to say things with her eyes that others
W0603 waste time trying to put into words.
W0604 Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth.
W0605 People will buy anything that`s one to a customer.
W0606 Ours is a world where people don`t know what they want and
W0606 are willing to go through hell to get it.
W0607 One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
W0608 One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
W0609 Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
W0610 Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
W0611 Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
W0612 No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
W0613 Never say you know a man
W0613 until you have divided an inheritance with him.
W0614 Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.
W0615 Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
W0616 Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle
W0616 to get you out of Casablanca.
W0617 Matrimony is the root of all evil.
W0618 Many a family tree needs trimming.
W0619 Man and wife make one fool.
W0620 Man`s horizons are bounded by his vision.
W0621 Make new friends but keep the old, One is silver the other gold.
W0622 Make a wish, it might come true.
W0623 Love is sentimental measles.
W0624 Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
W0625 Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.
W0626 Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
W0627 Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
W0628 The heart is wiser than the intellect.
W0629 May the force be with you.
W0630 It`s a poor workman who blames his tools.
W0701 It`s clever, but is it art?
W0702 It is far better to be deceived
W0702 than to be undeceived by those we love.
W0703 It is Fortune, not wisdom that rules man`s life.
W0704 The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
W0705 If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
W0706 If you make a mistake,
W0706 immediately fix it to the best of your ability.
W0707 If you continually give you will continually have.
W0708 Quit work and play for once.
W0709 If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it.
W0710 I`ve given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
W0711 The orator speaks, with his flood of words
W0711 and his drop of reason.
W0712 He who is good for making excuses
W0712 is seldom good for anything else.
W0713 He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
W0714 He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
W0715 He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
W0716 He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another`s mishap.
W0717 He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
W0718 Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
W0719 By following the good, you learn to be good.
W0720 Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear through.
W0721 An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
W0722 The picture of health requires a happy frame of mind.
W0723 All who would win joy must share it, happiness was born a twin.
W0724 No one is so happy or sad as he imagines.
W0725 Every anarchist is a baffled dictator.
W0726 An institution is the lengthened shadow of one man.
W0727 He cannot rule the great who cannot rule the small.
W0728 No facts are sacred, none are profane.
W0729 Faith will not die while seed catalogs are printed.
W0730 Public speaking takes a two minute idea,
W0730 and a two hour vocabulary.
W0731 All work and no play makes jack. And lots of it.
W0801 God gives us relatives; thank God we can chose our friends.
W0802 Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgment.
W0803 Faith goes out through the window
W0803 when beauty comes in at the door.
W0804 Everything bows to success, even grammar.
W0805 Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment.
W0806 Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
W0807 Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
W0808 Behind every argument is someone`s ignorance.
W0809 Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another.
W0810 A wise man can see more from a the bottom of a well than a
W0810 fool can see from a mountaintop.
W0811 Fear is the tax that conscience pays to guilt.
W0812 Only the doctor can suffer from good health.
W0813 Communism will work when love, not greed, inspires it.
W0814 Democracy will continue as long as people have faith
W0814 in the people they are going to elect next.
W0815 The desire to work is confined to classified ads.
W0816 God never imposes a duty without giving time to do it.
W0817 Thrift is a wonderful virtue - in an ancestor.
W0818 If we were intended to talk more than we hear,
W0818 we'd have two mouths and only one ear.
W0819 Better to be religious with your eloquence,
W0819 than eloquent with your religion.
W0820 Freedom has a thousand charms to show,
W0820 that slaves, however content, will never know.
W0821 The louder he talked of his honor,
W0821 the faster we counted our change.
W0822 Of all the ills that men endure,
W0822 hope is the only cheap and universal cure.
W0823 If you bow at all, bow low.
W0824 Toil is most pleasant when done.
W0825 Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more.
W0826 A minister says matrimony should be enduring. It is.
W0827 No man can serve two masters, yes-men can serve hundreds.
W0828 A good man gone wrong is usually a bad man found out.
W0829 Losing weight: the triumph of mind over platter.
W0830 To get ahead and stay ahead, use your head.
W0831 A fool and his money are invited everywhere.
W0901 Do not clog intellect`s sluices
W0901 with knowledge of questionable uses.
W0902 Deprive a mirror of its silver
W0902 and even the Czar won`t see his face.
W0903 Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
W0904 A man without a God is like a fish without a bicycle.
W0905 A plucked goose doesn`t lay golden eggs.
W0906 Hearts will never be practical til they're unbreakable.
W0907 They do not love that do not show their love.
W0908 Better three hours too soon than a minute too late.
W0909 Honi soit qui mal y pense.
W0909 (Shamed be he who thinks evil of it.)
W0910 Ideals kill some men in politics,
W0910 but politics kill more ideals in men.
W0911 Ignorance is the mother of superstition.
W0912 No woman should imitate men; men are not worth it.
W0913 At 18, I was ashamed of how ignorant my father was.
W0913 At 21, I was amazed at how much he had learned in three years.
W0914 Most campaign literature is an insult to intelligence.
W0914 Sad that many never realize it.
W0915 You can judge a man by how he keeps his golf score.
W0916 America did not invent human rights,
W0916 Human Rights invented America.
W0917 The reason people blame things on previous generations?
W0917 There's only one other choice!
W0918 Inflation is when the buck doesn't stop anywhere.
W0922 One disadvantage of having nothing to do:
W0922 You can't stop and rest.
W0923 Real love stories have no endings.
W1001 Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude
W1001 is the school of genius.
W1002 Justice delayed is justice denied.
W1003 They know enough who know how to learn.
W1004 The laborer is worthy of his hire, if his labor is.
W1005 Love is blind, to everything except fat.
W1006 A husband is the medicine that cures all the ills of girlhood.
W1007 Pale ink beats a good memory.
W1008 Would that government spent our money like it was their own.
W1009 Music is the only sensual pleasure without vice.
W1010 If you want the last word with a woman, apologize.
W1011 Just because he's on the road, it doesn't mean his mind is.
W1012 Death and taxes may always be with us,
W1012 But at least death doesn't get any worse.
W1101 A guy has to get fresh once in a while so a girl
W1101 doesn't lose her confidence.
W1102 I ain`t broke, but I`m badly bent.
W1103 The best government teaches us to govern ourselves.
W1104 The bigger the bankroll, the tighter the band around it.
W1105 Are you a good witch, or are you a bad witch?
W1106 Blessed are the peacemakers, they will never want for work.
W1107 Bachelor's wives and spinster's children are always perfect.
W1108 Better the shoulder to the wheel than the back to the wall.
W1109 Whatever you have, spend less.
W1110 In fashion be a reed in the wind,
W1110 In principles be a rock in the stream.
W1111 He was a bold man that first ate an oyster.
W1112 The fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion.
W1113 Learning music by reading about it,
W1113 Is like making love by mail.
W1114 Think you've got influence? Try commanding someone else's dog.
W1121 Character is what you know you are,
W1121 Not what others think you are.
W1125 Don't need a new religion, haven't used the old one up yet.
W1126 There are two sides to every question, politicians take both.
W1127 Politics is either passing the buck or passing the dough.
W1128 To make pleasures pleasant, shorten them.
W1129 Never despair. If you do, you work on in despair.
W1130 Too many pray for peace with their fists clenched.
W1201 Two wrongs do not make a right, it usually takes three or more.
W1202 Lost interest? It`s so bad I`ve lost apathy.
W1203 The greatest programming project of all took six days;
W1203 on the seventh day the programmer rested.
W1204 The only red menace in America is the sunburn.
W1205 Every noble work is at first impossible.
W1206 To reform a man, begin with his grandmother.
W1207 No man's religion ever survives his morals.
W1208 Who to himself is law, no law doth need.
W1209 Selfishness is that vice we see in others, never in ourselves.
W1210 Equality of the sexes leaves women standing on buses.
W1211 Never borrow trouble, the interest is entirely too high.
W1212 To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.
W1213 It is better to live rich than to die rich.
W1223 Take a lesson from the weather:
W1223 It pays no attention to criticism.
W1228 No one really knows enough to be a pessimist.
W1229 You are not judged by how much you love,
W1229 but by how much you are loved by others.
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